Anxiety & Self Critisism

Heavy title huh?

I had a light bulb moment yesterday in the quiet moments after work.

It went like this.

I had corrected someone again, and was wondering why I did that. I teach cooking to primary students & the adult helpers are vital to the classes & thier success. I had noticed that I regularly correct the helpers & was mortified that I could do such a thing. We are in great need of all the help we can get. It just didn't make sense to me & I was pondering it.

Were this someone elses problem I would have said (& thought) imagine how it is for them, knowing their thoughts too would be critical of themselves. Aha...

I had also been pondering a boy in our basketball team. He joined this season & was instantly a great player who scored lots of points. He had watched lots of games on the TV and believed he could do it, then as the weeks went on he scored less & less, sometimes even not scoring at all. To me he is a living example of belief in action and also of doubt creeping in & seeing its unproductive effect.

I finished a series of sessions with a good psychologist on Monday & felt great. I was confident & breezed through the days even though my main support person, my live in partner, was away. He words of praise & encouragement bouyed me through the days easily.

Thursday is my work day & said partner was home again Wednesday, I was tired & had woken with anxiety driven thoughts in the night, very critical & oft repeated words of destuction inside my own head that had been going on for some 6 years.

I had also been listening to Eckhart Tolle on audio CD in the car. The audio quality is poor yet I enjoyed what I did hear and it bought me some peace & a new perspective.

Point is I am a thinker & always look for ways to fix my problems. Anxiety has been a problem for some years now, it comes with MS & SIBO & Graves disease. That is why I was back at the psychologist to get yet more coping stategies.

My aha moment...  So as I sat reflecting on self critisism the thought came to talk back to it, over the top of it & on purpose to myself in words of praise & encouragement rather than let the inner critic talk freely. I decided to be proactive & felt myself rise up.

I am seeing already the effects of the critic on my kids & I don't like it. I asked myself about helping my younger child & came up with extra touch & finding ways to laugh together. That gave me confidence in my inner wisdom.

Think positive. Speak words of praise & power to myself over & over on the issues that anxiety has raved to me on, it has ranted and sought to annihilate me. It didn't win. I am dusting myself off & regrouping to forge ahead with y new positive mindset. I can think positive, its the same as thinking negative only with a smile and worthwhile results.

I can do this. Anyone can.

I have been reading self help books for 20 years, listened to so many audio books & repeated affirmations. Now I simply chose to think positive as I finally have had enough of anxiety's unrelenting rants and destuctive voice that I am not going to leave it unanswered. I am a good person & a caring mother, wife, employee, daughter and I choose to think positive and believe in myself.

A book that helped make this real is the Farmers Wife by Rachael Treasure, its a story not a self help book. Yet is also a roadmap for change & now I am seeing it play out in scenes from Offspring to Winners & Losers. I love it.

Women rise up! Be your own greatest fan and cheer yourself on every step of the way. You are powerful and capable and have much to add to the people around you. You make a difference and you are an overcomer. You can do it.

There is an energy that comes with these empowering thoughts. I love it.

I read in overcoming MS about doing work on yourself, I didn't hink that applied to me. I was wrong. I began meditating in May 2012 and have been discovering things abot myself since then. Yesterday I was replying to a forum when I became aware of my limitations & how MS has been affecting me for the past 20 years or so. The times when I have put my heart into something and then been physically exhausted for long perios afterward. It is a pattern that has followed relationshop loss, job stress & church, family & becoming a parent. I was not really aware of my limitations until I wrote out a reply about me being a stay at home Mum & why I am. I think it is of great benefit to the children and I don't have the energy to work and be a wife, parent & housekeeper. I just don't and that is OK. This is where I am and I can do heapd but I can't do everything and I am OK with that. I don't even want to do everything, I need a lot of sleep and rest. That is OK and it is what I need not what I expect of everyone.
With the Olympics I am have been painfully aware that they are made of different stuff than me. I have tried in the past to push myself & it has not worked for me. I need to work with how I am made and not against it. I find that liberating.

ovemberr 2011

Well its one step forwards then fall backwards! I had an MS relapse. It has made me feel nauseous and interfered with my vision. While it is uncomfortable I do not have any pain & I can see, just not as well as before.

today I am going to the nuerologist & he wants me to start on the new oral medication that has just come on the pbs, I think I might! I do like to be able to see, drive, read and function.

The tricky part for me is the was the symptoms fluctuate throughout the day & night. I felt almost normal before bed last night, but unwell in the night. MS is a strange companion.

Feel like I need to learn againwhat I can do for my own wellness, which is a good thing.

Here we go again!

After trying the paleo diet for 6 - 9 months, struggling a sugar addiction all the while, I ended up with another bout of SIBO, constipation and outrageous heartburn and amine intolerance! Not fun.
I did not feel like a failure to quit as it just wasn't working.
Now I am eating bread & rice and can enjoy a lot more variety in my diet, within some unfortunate boundaries.

I am still having trouble with heartburn & constipation (periodically).

I have been seeing a naturopath and she now thinks I may have heavy metal poisoning, I cam e home with the pathology forms to get tested at my convinience...here we go again!

Feeling lousy again!

Have been having ongoing problems with energy levels, fatigue, constipation and I had another lot of hives in the last few weeks.

Not fun.

Have been to the doctor. He wrote out some laxatives to try.
Have been to the naturopath and I told her I thought I was having trouble with the SIBO. That was last week but now I am not so sure.
Have, today, been & had Bowen therapy. The practioner has a gluten & dairy intolerance, breaks out in rashes & is interested in all things diet & health.

I think I am overloaded with amines, again.

I went on the low chemical diet & that cleared up my reactions, so promptly forgot about it. It's back!

Time for me to go on a low chemical (amines specifically) diet and set myself some guidelines I think.

Looking forward to feeling better, again.

Jaw & hand pain...OOOwwww!

I waas at the doctor last week & told hime of my jaw pain. It hurts, aches actually, on the right side. I has been getting worse recently& my right hand also aches. My upper middle back hurts too, what is going on?

I have sleeping with my fist clenched under my pillow on my right side, that is what is going on! I have also been attempting to read 50 books in a year.

Sleeping is causing the

Reading!

This year I have been attempting to read 50 books! I like reading & have enjoyed some 22 books so far, but..

The way I sit while I read causes me upper middle back pain. Drat. I either need to find a new way to posture myself while I read or read less.

What would you do?

I've tried physio, massage and perscription drugs.

How does one learn to sit and read another way?